


Won't

by With_love_from_lahey



Series: Don't. Wont. Shouldn't. Wouldn't. [1]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Denial of Feelings, Depression, M/M, One Shot, Past Abuse, Past Character Death, Self-Denial
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-03
Updated: 2013-02-03
Packaged: 2017-11-28 01:36:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/668782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/With_love_from_lahey/pseuds/With_love_from_lahey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I won't tell you I love you.<br/>I won't call this home.<br/>But I will call you.<br/>I will call you mine.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Won't

I won't say I love you. I stopped believing in love the first time I saw my father slap my mother, the woman he married, the one he was supposed to love. He had hit her so hard she fell from her seat at the table. I could have believed in love beyond that, maybe. When she bowed her head as she stood back up and retook her seat, I may have been able to learn still. But when my father gave her his sadistic smile and told her he loved her, and she responded the same to him. That's when I knew it wasn't real. It was just a word people use on other people to trap and control them. So no, I will never say I love you. 

I won't call this home. It's just another shell. It's empty and hollow and airless; like the freezer that Scott tore into and you may have destroyed the remains of, but still resides in my nightmares. This is no more a home then any place will ever be to me. Every bed I lay on wil just be a platform for the sleepless, terror filled nights I spend on them. Even if you are next to me in it. Every table I sit at, even if it's you across from me at it, will be a constant rerun of what I had managed to duck and cover my way through. You call me a survivor, I know I'm a coward. Cowards don't deserve homes so I won't call this home. 

I won't call you family. It would be a bit strange to begin with considering. But I wouldn't call you family none the less. I lost the last sense of family when Camden shipped off. He wasn't a perfect brother, he didn't protect me like he should have. He didn't teach me new things. But he was flesh and blood and the only proof I had someone could come from that monster that made us and not be a pathetic, mewling mess as like I was before the bite. Or the snide, almost sadistic creature I became after it. You are not family. I will not call you my family. 

I will call you in the middle of the night. When the dreams become too much, I may not call with words or touch but my heart beat, and our connection will do it for me. You will feel it in your bones like you have so many times before and wrap strong arms around my quaking body. You will speak in a hushed rumbled tone that only you seem to possess and the words will qualm the panic in my veins. 

I may call you when something else runs through my blood. The fires lapping at both of our skin till we bow to our own instincts. Lips will crash together and bodies will slot as if they were made for one another. You will whisper lust fueled slurs of endearments on my bare flesh as you attempt to cover every inch of my scarred skin with your own. I will let you, but never return them, nor ever agree with them. You need this, I will know that when it happens like I have known before. You need to tell me all the things you wish someone would say to you. You need to tend to someone and tell them it isn't there fault. You need to take care of someone to aid in the denial that deep down you yourself need taken care of. I would, though I don't think you realize it. I would take care of you. If you called on me to.

I will call you my Alpha. In times of want and times of war. I will call you my friend when things become to heavy to handle. I will call you my paramour when the sheets cling to our bodies in the dark of the night as the cliched full moon illuminates that desolate place we both punish ourselves by living in. I will call you Derek on the rare occasions we make one another laugh. I will never tell you I love you. I will never call you family or home. 

But I will call you mine.

**Author's Note:**

> So I wrote this after being awake for 25 hours. I apologize in advance for any blatant errors.
> 
> Check out my tumblr for updates and my randomness plus links to my etsys at withlovefromlahey.tumblr.com/


End file.
